beginnings

Welcome to my blog!

What a time though because I am a mess. My skin is blotchy, my hair is completely lank and my weight is just flying off the charts. I can't tell you when it began to go wrong, but it did anyway. The worst part about this whole deal is not just looking like a walking dump but feeling so dirty, disappointed and disgusted all the time. As much as it sounds like my problems are due to purely hygiene reasons, nothing a shower can't fix, for me this is in fact a reaction to consumption. There is simply no cure for this but plain abstinence from the basic fuel our body needs, FOOD. It seems that my abovementioned ailments, particularly the psychological aspect, are brought about only after I've eaten anything. It doesn't have to be junk food, all food to me is junk in general.

It's so sinful denouncing food like this especially when there are people starving but I just cannot, will not eat like a normal person. I either binge or starve. I am your classic bipolar lard-ass, long-suffering, disordered lady to which food ceases to be just a means to live. It is a form of guilty, nauseating indulgence and punishment. It is a way of restriction and control. It is also what dictates my mood. If it has not already been made obvious by my somewhat dramatic entrance, this blog is going to be about weight loss and extremities. My life practically revolves around food, my weight and how I look. Shallow, yes but this IS my life.

xoxo,
LAL